It has been a good week. Really good. Got to connect with my peeps, hang-out with friends in between working, do some mentoring, drink coffee, eat yummy dinners with recruits and have a pretty balanced life. I am not sure how to handle all of this freedom of only working 9 hours a day! I run with my dog, clean, call friends & meet up with folks for coffee. Wow, this is the life.
Today I confessed to my husband and now I will confess to the world, aka, the 2 people that read this blog, that I am really struggling with a temptation to turn from God and lean into personal success, fashion, and beauty instead of pushing hard into God. I just want the world all of a sudden. Gross, right? I am a glutton for stuff. I want an unending bank account, a size 6 body and a blemish-free, shimmering complexion. I want cute purses, high-heeled shoes and a car that turns heads. I want a horse farm with lots of room for my dog to run. And I want horses, and kids, and things for the kids, and cute clothes and I want I want I want I WANT!
Jon & I would say this is my id screaming out for attention. It is. It is my immature, media brain-washed, Americanized, stuff-saturated id making me sound gross. This really isn't what I want. I actually want all of the above and unlimited access to Starbuck (- the fat and calories and just the deep coffee flavors washing over me) BUT NO! I don't want these things. I want world peace, I want our resources to be shared more justly, I want educational equity, I want justice & the human rights of every person to be honored. I want to start schools in Africa. I want to find homes for homeless animals, I want to be green. I want to turn the tide. This is my super-ego talking. What is the truth? Is is somewhere in between?
Picking the Perfect Pumpkin...
15 years ago
2 comments:
A very honest view and hope filled. I am proud of you for struggling through this and searching for the truth. - Jon
Hey, somehow I missed this post. Anyway, I think that maybe you don't want these things as much as you think you do. Its just that these things are, well, they're in front of us, they are real and they are attainable while the other things we want seem unattainable, distant and more conceptual than actual. I can get a starbucks mocha frappa whatta and feel good in the moment. Or I can work my whole life to end world hunger and poverty and war and generally spend a lot of energy and not get to see much in the way of results. I think when we get tired, we long for the things in front of us rather than the things we have to work with God to create. I suspect that if we accomplished all the worldly things you wanted we would still be just as desirous of the other things and regretting wasting our time on the cars and what-nots of life. The desire to change the world for God and do good is just too deeply rooted in you. Just a thought.
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